A little personal here, but I have anxiety. Bad. I have been working on ways to improve how I handle it, some days are better than others. Other days I can not sleep because I can not stop thinking about what I did that may be "wrong" that day, yesterday, last week, last year, in elementary school. Some days I worry about the future. Some days I have no idea why I am anxious. Still, my heart and thoughts will race, my body becomes tense, I have an awful tingly/tickle/itchy sensation in my hands and feet, when it turns into a full anxiety attack my vision blurs, and my tongue/face will start to go numb.
For the most part, I have this under control. I recognize my thought/behavior triggers and use the tools I have developed to steer myself into calmer seas. But some days, some are just harder than others, even when it is a simple comment left on a social media post. I think this anxiety is what keeps me from posting opinions on social media. If you were to look at my FB post, it is full of pictures of my dogs, maybe some of the food I have eaten (FOOD IS LIFE!), pretty scenery pictures, and memes about being a teacher (even these I have stopped posting due to fear of people taking them too seriously). You will rarely see my opinion, especially about controversial topics. It is not that I do not have them, it is not even that I am scared of people disagreeing with me. I am so afraid to hurt someone's feelings, to make them uncomfortable, mad, or upset them in any way.
Does this make my use of social media less useful than others? I guess it depends on what you think social media should be used for. I love to debate, and among friends, I can take any side and talk about it because I know that they know a debate is used to help see topics from all sides. It is how new, better ideas are formed; it challenges us to see things from different perspectives; it is needed to move thinking forward. But online, where people do not know me, I can not bring myself to do it. I will not engage, it is too polarizing on there. There is no "playing the devil's advocate" to think about topics in different ways, there seems to only be "I am RIGHT" and "You are WRONG." Other people have courage (maybe too much) online, because they are physically removed from those they are communicating with, but me...I am scared people will take my thoughts the wrong way and only damage will be done, instead of learning and understanding.
Before this class, my only social media use was FB and Instagram, maybe with the new communities we are finding and developing here I will be able to find an online space where I feel comfortable giving my opinion. Then perhaps I will develop the courage to overcome my anxiety and engage more in other spaces.
This was another rambling piece, but hey, these are notes right!
If you find a way for social media to help you to grow in a direction you'd like to grow, that seems like a worthwhile effort to me! I wish you the best in finding a huge toolbox full of ways that help you overcome.
ReplyDeleteI wish that I had your compassion towards others. I will engage in discussions with others online even though I know I won't change their opinion on the matter and the back-and-forth might even exhaust or enrage me (probably both.) I've gotten better about this because I just simply don't have the time for fools, but I've been finding myself engaging in it more often recently. It might be because I'm online too much for class, it might be because I was never taught to keep my big mouth shut, but it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteI also have anxiety. I'm not sure if it contributes to my reasoning for not posting my opinions on social media or not though. I had never thought of it that way before. I can definitely relate to you though. Part of me wants to post my opinions and engage in debate to help others learn and grow. But the other part of me just doesn't have the energy for it so I stay quiet and post pictures of my dogs.
ReplyDeleteI just had to have a conversation with a colleague of mine about her radio silence on social media. I think as a Black women educator, it can be very disturbing to see colleagues and professionals continue to post as usual or not at all as if the country isn't in an uproar. I also will say that often times the anxiety caused by guilt for what may have happened–what was said that wasn't PC enough, what was done, or what was not done– is rarely helpful for people like me. I think this post helped me the inner turmoil that happens when people who aren't used to speaking out publicly are being called to do so during this critical moment in our nation's history. It's always risky. But I don't have the privilege of falling back even when I really want to because my identity is always polticized.
ReplyDeleteI think the black and white thinking about what is right and wrong, is just the first step of learning how to be a critical thinker. Yes, some will never grow out of their miseducation, but is it worth being silent to keep the peace knowing that silence won't change anything. Plus there are way more things you can do outside of debating with others on the internet, but one has to move past the guilt , fear and frustration that insulate us in our own comfort. Once you start the learning process to unpack racism, classism, sexism, homophobia, genderism etc., you are likely to do feel just as anxious if not more. So I believe there comes a time where you have to ask yourself what will you do? Then you gotta act.
I understand you completely. If you read my blog post recently, you may note that I too often don't post things on Social media unless they are pictures of my family or accomplishments and such. My conversations in person tend to be quite different though as I feel that there is more understanding of body language, facial expressions, tone, emphasis, and inflection. So much can be taken out of context in any situation- both in person and online- so limiting the miscommunications is the best chance for positive communication. I do not engage in online discussion on politics or debates either. I may or may not discuss them in person, but I do read, research, and follow the information. I do not ignore it.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find #EME6414 a safe place to share your ideas. :o)
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